Give What It Is You Want to Get

Give what it is you want to get.  Sometimes when we hear that statement, our inner rebel stands with arms folded across our chest and says, “No, I should get it first!  And then I will give it.”   Or perhaps this response:  “If I give it, I expect you to reciprocate immediately or I will be angry!”  Or even….”If I give it and you don’t, I will never give it again!”

These interactions are some of the games we play in the field of relationships.  The playing comes from the duality of thinking I am separate from you.  The truth is that when we give to each other we are giving to ourselves as well.

For example, perhaps I would like more space to be myself in a particular relationship .   Perhaps I feel that you don’t hear me.  I want more experience of being heard.  I keep focusing on YOU hearing ME and acknowledging ME.   I notice every time you don’t listen to me.  I get wrapped up in my needing you to be a certain way.  I am controlling the process but I don’t even realize it because I am thinking I am right and you just need to listen to me and you will get it right.  I am so determined for you to hear me that I have forgotten about you.

Am I giving what I want to get?  How do I hear you?  Am I listening openly and with acceptance?………even if I don’t like what I am hearing?  Is my heart open to you and to your process or am I hell-bent on being heard? What happens if I open the space with my attention to hearing you, accepting you?  When I move into sharing the space, I am amazed.  Something is different.  I am hearing you……it seems strangely like the first time.  I hear your struggles, your hopes and dreams.  There is clearly a change in energy.  I hear you clearly because I have moved out of my contracted self and into the space that connects us.  My heart embraces you as I listen to you.

Unbelieveably, I am not thinking of myself.  I see you not as the controller of my space but another soul working its process.  I practice this giving what I want to get…….over and over.  I am curiously addicted to this new way of thinking and behaving.  I become aware of how much I have missed in sharing your process of becoming.  I see you blossom in my acceptance of you.  And I see you opening to me in a deeply interested way.  You are asking me questions and listening to my answers.  I feel your presence in our shared space.  I am amazed that I have forgotten the beautiful grace of giving.  I want to live there always.

The world looks different to us today…….it expanded in ways we didn’t know before.  The sun rises on a dark place of the past and we smile in a new understanding of connection with one another.   We got it today…….as long as we keep giving.

2010andreaavaristevens

Afraid of Fire

“None can teach you, none can make you spiritual.   There is no other teacher but your own soul.” Swami Vivekananda

The power of uncertainty is flowing through and around us.  Some days we breathe deeply, relax and float with it; other times we stiffen up, grab onto whatever is close with a tight fist, and rigidly watch through squinty eyes as life passes us by.  It is our choice.  Sometimes we forget we have a choice and become victims of the happenings of our lives.  We lose our center and then fall in the mud.

We get so tied up in not trusting the process of life.  Within wholeness is the duality of dark and light.   In our core, we are light.  Being human invites us to both celebrate the light and to integrate the dark.  Well, the first part is great, the second not so much, we say to ourselves.  We are afraid of the fire of transformation.

Watching American Idol, yes, that is true!  I am reminded of Crystal Bowersox……MamaSox.  Here she comes from a small town to millions of people watching her every move and listening and judging her every note. She dresses and wears her hair as she likes, speaks thoughtfully as she transitions into a new lifestyle…..expressing the uniqueness of her Being.   Her boyfriend and she decide to not continue their relationship and he goes home on the day of the  final performance!    Her response?  It gives her ‘fire in her belly.”  And if you saw her perform that night…….she was not afraid of the fire……she faced it, made it her own and sang beautifully.

From 12 Step programs we hear the statement……there are no victims,  just volunteers.   Our soul brings us experiences for us to integrate.  They are gifts in their teachings to us.  As we move through the darkness, the clouds lift and the light shines from our hearts.  It’s not easy because we are human and full of emotions; it does not have to be difficult and scary.  We are always surrounded in love; we are never alone.  We are guided on our path to integration.  We pray, meditate, contemplate that all loving energies around us surround us with wisdom and compassion for ourselves so that we may love ourselves deeply as we transform the clouds of doubt about who we really are…….into the heart knowing that we are love.   May we all experience ‘fire in our belly’ when we are challenged to move more deeply  into wholeness.

copyright 2010 Andrea Avari, Ph.D.

Spiritual Bypass

“One of the great dangers of transformational work is that the ego attempts to sidestep deep psychological work by leaping into the transcendent too soon. This is because the ego always fancies itself much more ‘advanced’ than it actually is.”

— Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson

I took a seminar on awakening not too long ago.  One concept that the leader shared was that it was not necessary to learn to love oneself before awakening. The definitions of the words ‘love oneself’ and ‘awakening’ are dependent upon each person’s perception.  Who knows exactly what that phrase means to someone else? However, this leader seemed to think that awakening was all that was needed.

I do know the intent of that thought runs counter to how I have been experiencing my lessons.  The more transformative work that I do with my inner process, the more clear I am about the love of who I truly am.  It just seems to me that removing the blockages produced by the ego’s energy of fear would lend itself to opening up the awakening process more clearly.

“We have no need to teach pure motives to the mind. All that is necessary to make the mind pure is to undo the negative conditioning to which it has been subjected; then we will be left with pure, unconditioned awareness.”

— Eknath Easwaran

It seems sometimes that there is a tendency to skip over psychological work in the search for a spiritual identity. This new identity, some with a different name change, is old cake with new frosting.  The same old beliefs about self, others, and the world are there chugging along.  But now the focus is on the new ‘spiritual’ self as the old self just bubbles along underneath.

If you have listened to one of these ‘teachers’ very carefully, at times you may hear the judgment and defensiveness creep into their voices when they are challenged.  Awakening by itself without the ‘soulwork’ of dealing with negative conditioning from our lives, seems to be a shaky house of cards.  It is tempting to believe that ignoring our stinky old baggage is as easy as a cat covering its poop in the box…but it just doesn’t seem to work that way.

Stinky is as stinky does.  We are all called to clear old conditioning that no longer serves us.  It means feeling the feelings, holding them in the compassionate light of the unconditional love that burns incessantly in our hearts…….that spark of the Divine that is always with us.  And some of us just don’t want to do the work.  We want to believe that we can leap-frog it over into the land of Enlightenment and forever wear the Buddha smile.  I just don’t buy it.

My experience shows me that my life is my path.  Everything I need to clear is within me.  I don’t need to go anywhere to find it.  No one else has the answer.  I am my path.  I just need to work it.  I am both the teacher and the student.

©2010 Andrea Avari Stevens, Ph.D.

On The Path To Self-Acceptance or Who is your very best friend in the whole wide world that will never ever leave you?

When we realize that we are more than our human selves, we recognize a part of us that feels “in the zone” at times in our lives.  It is a moment when we feel connected to something beyond ourselves.  This moment may occur when we are out walking in nature, hearing the waves crashing on the beach, when we look in another’s eyes, and a thousand other moments that fill us with wonder and awe at the miracle of life.  We become ‘in sync’ with an energy that expands us, opens our hearts in a joyful feeling, creates an intuitive knowing within us that the material world is not all there is.

There is something more to us….we can sense it……not with our usual five senses of tasting, smelling, seeing with our eyes, hearing with our ears, touching with our bodies……all these senses transform beyond themselves.  We all know this place in our being at some times in our lives.  It is when we are awake to the truth of who we are.

And then we fall back into our regular human mind.  We experience judgment of ourselves.  And we know the feeling of judgment of others.  We know the place of fear in all its many disguises.  We see this fear woven into our many belief systems about ourselves and our lives. More

Collective Love


We know the power of collective hate,
but we’re just beginning
to realize
the power of collective love.
Add to the collective love daily.
Marianne Williamson
Sometimes we are running so fast in our lives that we forget to just sit quietly for a few moments and to hold the vision of the world in our awareness, surrounding it totally with love.   Let’s see how often we can add to the collective pot of love each day………..Andrea

photo: freedigitalphotos.net

The Mystical Merchandisers

“Within these premises, the only thing one can be is an impeccable mediator. One is not the player in this cosmic match of chess, one is simply a pawn on the chessboard. What decides everything is a conscious impersonal energy that sorcerers call intent or the Spirit.”
Carlos Castaneda

Realize that nothing is personal-the universe is acting through you.

Deepak Chopra

The Mystical Merchandisers of quick spirituality are getting on my nerves.  (Not really, but it seemed  like a good opening sentence).  But it can be truly annoying if you attach to the situation.  And, all right, sometimes I do.

Take for example, the marketplace mania over The Law of Attraction and the practice of Positive Thinking. The focus is on hope for the future as though we don’t have what we need right now.  And we do. But neither practice seems to encourage the practice of self-inquiry in the Now.  All we need right this present moment is already within us.  If we keep looking beyond the power of the present, then we are missing our daily lessons.

Like attracts like. Higher vibration qualities of love, compassion, gratitude, act like a magnet pulling similar vibrations toward them. That’s why we need to be the person we want to attract…….because we attract the level of consciousness that we are presently.    For example, if we are in the habit of taking care of people’s feelings we will attract someone who needs their feelings protected.  If we honor doing our own healing work through self-inquiry, then we will attract someone who holds self-responsibility as a value.

Many products are being advertised today which guarantee that they will bring us peace and happiness and success and soulmates and cars and money and whatever.  ‘Our lives will be changed’ if we just take this workshop or this course or whatever.  And when we don’t do it just right and get what we ‘intended’ then we get frustrated and lose hope that we are capable of manifesting.  Maybe another teacher or product or mantra will help us get what we so desperately want.

But who is the one who is wanting?  If we remember that most probably it is our ego- personality- self that is wanting these things, then our ego is talking to itself in terms of lower vibrations.  It was Einstein who said something like you ‘can’t solve a problem from the same level of thinking that created it.’ More

A National Award!!!!

Postcard Front (1)Let’s celebrate! My book, A Hit of Heaven: a soul’s journey through illusion just won a Finalist Award from the 2009 National Indie Excellence Book Awards in the category of New Age Fiction. Very exciting!

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