Jeff Brown on Letting Go of Patterns

Its difficult to let go of the pattern, often born in one’s childhood tendency to try to get love from a stone (neglectful parents), to be attracted to those who are impossible. Of course, it doesn’t really work because the moment we gain the favor of the unavailable other, we lose interest in them because they are not reflecting back our negative self-concept. Its like only the emotionally unavailable are credible because they reflect back to us what we came to believe about ourselves- that we are unworthy of love. This pattern is not an easy one to break, but break-through it we must if we are going to finally surrender to the love we deserve. One of the keys to working this through is to see the parents for who they really are- in their own issues and limitations- so that their lens on you loses its grip. Another is building the self-concept from the inside out- learning to rely on yourself for validation- and, when you are ready, inviting those who value you a little closer…

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